Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Job Hunting Frustrations

I'm pretty discouraged about finding decent work lately. It seems that recruiters, who have absolute power in the hiring arena these days, hold prospective employees to a standard higher than even they can achieve.

Case in point: I had my resume critiqued by a resume company. They offered some free resume tips and promoted their resume upgrading service for $200. I thought that the tips were useful so I decided to explore their site a bit. I began to read entries, from recruiters, which answered an inquiry about pet peeves in dealing with prospective employees.

  • "...mispelled words..." Um, misspelled is spelled "misspelled"...
  • "...bad grammer/use of the language..." Ok, so I guess if you don't complain about spelling, you can safely misspell "grammar", but don't go on to say, "...I have applicants that always..." It's "who", i.e. applicants who always...
  • "...typos, etc." Well, OK, we should all know how to check for our typos, however, be sure that your company home page doesn't have typos or misspellings. I recently interviewed for a company who requested a writing sample because the boss was 'very precise' when it came to written work. I wondered just how precise he was when I noticed that they had a misspelled (or typo'd) word on their home page. I'm pretty confident that, by pointing this out, I lost the job.
The answers seemed sincere enough, but I had to wonder how they felt they had the right to judge so harshly when they themselves had fallen victim to the very issues for which they would reject a serious, potential employee.
The pendulum has swung to far in the direction of perfection (or judgement based on someone's perception of perfection). An interview used to be an opportunity to judge a person's appearance, demeanor, and qualifications. It's become an exercise in trying to impress whatever recruiter you happen to be in front of. What qualities are employers giving up to hire only employees who can successfully conform to the judgments of these recruiters? What used to be an exercise in explaining a work history is now an exercise in jumping through arbitrary hoops of each and every employer's recruiting standards.
So, I've decided to compose the "Pet Peeves of Potential Employees" list in response and out of frustration and, quite honestly, disgust. Here it is:
  • Please don't ask me to interview if you aren't looking for an employee. I'm a serious employee looking for work. Don't waste my time.
  • Please don't sit at the interview and invite me to call you with any questions that I may think of and then totally ignore my contact. First of all, that's rude. If I had been that rude to you, you never would have given me an interview to begin with. Secondly, I may have questions because I was interested in the company, what it had to offer, or needed more details to decide if I was seriously interested in the position long-term. Let's face it, your time may be important, but so is mine. I'm not going to waste either if I'm not interested in staying in the position long-term.
  • Please don't hire me, put me through orientation, let me get started on my job and then try to change the rules. You saw my nose ring, goatee, tattoo, capri pants, or whatever it is that is annoying you today, in the interview or the days following my employment. You knew I wore capris or a several times in the first month I was here. Don't change the rules in the middle of the game; or, if you do, give me a chance to conform or bow out. A gentle reminder after the dress code is given is fine, but give the code during the interview so that I know if I even want to work for you under your conditions.
  • Please don't tell me that I have all of the skills to competently fill a position and then never get in touch with me again. You want me to do a job. Can I do it? If yes, and I meet your other requirements (for personality and appearance, for example), I should have a new job.
  • If you find or hear something negative when you are researching my history, please pay me the courtesy of letting me know so that I can dispute or clear up any information that I feel is inaccurate. Believe it or not, former employers can have an agenda of their own and there are laws in place to protect employees from having their character or work history maligned by such an employer. I may need to react to protect my excellent job history.
  • Please don't expect me to be bowled over by a minimum wage position. Don't humiliate yourself or condescend to me by asking me what I have to offer the company or where I see myself in 5 years. It's a minimum wage job; I'm offering that I'll show up every day and, in 5 years, I see myself out of it and making a living wage somewhere else. I've asked for a job, you can give it to me or not. You don't own me. It's a job.
  • Please don't ask me a question that requires a personal opinion and then mentally penalize me when my opinion doesn't line up with yours. I'm a professional and my personal opinions won't impact my ability to do the job; if they will, I won't accept the job, anyway. An interview isn't the place to see how I feel about politics or my haircolor or my last vacation so please don't ask.
  • Please remember that you are representing a company and, often, an individual within that company. If you say that you'll call, please call. If you say that a decision will be made by a certain time, please inform me of the decision. If you do not have the final decision, please let me know that. I'd like to know that, if you are only relating your impressions to the person who is deciding, that you are relating accurate information. To be honest, I'd prefer to meet my potential boss; we may or may not get along. This may sound redundant, but the expectations of common courtesy bear repeating; especially if this is the litmus by which you are testing me.
  • In previous jobs I've been humiliated, beaten down, put down, made fun of, laughed at, sabotaged, embarrassed, screwed over, injured, scolded, cautioned, reigned in, condescended to, talked about behind my back, excluded, used, judged, and I'm still here to try to work for you. Don't expect miracles; just expect me to do a good job and to get along with my coworkers; no matter how imperfect, ignorant, or rude they may be.
I've left a few typos, syntax errors, and misspellings in this post. It's intentional; just to keep potential employers on their toes. Don't even try to hire me if you can't identify them.

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Now maybe I'm just too sensitive but I can't stand it when a person who is taking care of customers in a line refuses to smile. It just irritates me; like an itch that you can't find; no matter where you scratch. When it's in a public library, somehow it's worse.

I recently went to sign up for my library card. I purposely stood back a bit to protect the privacy of the person at the counter. Sure, I know it's only a library, but it's a habit; I do it in pharmacy lines, bank lines. (Oddly, I just realized that this doesn't apply to the grocery line where apparently I don't feel the need for privacy is so urgent. I push right down the line with the previous person and actually feel pretty annoyed when they decide to leave their cart behind them (as opposed to pushing it out ahead of them after it''s emptied) because it delays my ability to empty my own cart. The domino effect that results is that I then have to toss my groceries up in a hurry so that I can watch the clerk ring up my purchases so that I can be sure that I'm getting all of the sale prices...)

So, back to the library. When the woman behind the counter stared at me, unsmiling, for long enough, I decided that that must be her way of acknowledging me and beckoning me forward. I went up and told her I would like to submit my application for a library card and showed it to her. She held it at by a corner and at arm's length, and looked at it like she'd never seen one before. She appeared to be reading it. She was silent and, after what seemed like an excrutiating amount of time I asked, "Is this where I submit it or do I turn it in somewhere else?" She responded by asking for my ID and current address.

I went out to my car to get my license and proof of address and returned to another clerk. He didn't smile, either, but he did sit right down and began to input my information. I didn't know nor did anyone explain to me that I was getting the card right away; I thought I was just dropping off the application. Luckily, my mind is like a steel trap and I figured it right out...after a while...when I saw my card in his hand...and I asked him if I was getting the card today...and he told me, "yes"...

I got a few books and returned to check out. The non-smiling female clerk was there again so I was stuck with her...I mean, I chose her line. As she checked me out, I asked if there was a drive-thru book drop. She said, "Yes." and I think she may've even nodded her head a little bit; not sure. I didn't have my glasses on and I felt like I was possibly developing a tic so maybe it just looked like she nodded. I asked her where it was. I asked this way: "Where is it?" Her response? "It's outside." That's a direct quote. I think I got that right. Yep, two words, "It's outside."

Now, I'm no Isaac Asimov, but I'm pretty sure that I already knew that, if they had a drive-thru book drop, that it would be outside. The sarcasm must've read on my face because she looked at me and then added, "It's out front. You'll see it when you leave." I had to ponder this for a while. There are at least 6 exits that I could choose from so I decided to leave through the front door because I assumed that she meant that I would see the book drop if I left through the front door. About halfway to the door I heard her tell me to "have a nice day" but I thought that just might've been an after-thought so I didn't reel around to wish her the same.

I walked outside and began to look around. I looked at the front of the building where I thought I would see the book drop. There was nothing on the building. I watched some cars drive past in case they were dropping off books. They weren't. I re-studied the building in case I missed a slot or a sign. Nothing. I felt a teensy bit pissed off and I may have uttered the b-bomb under my breath, so I decided to go back to my car and try again at another time or to ask another, friendlier person.

I walked across the drive toward my car and there it was: The drive-thru book drop. It was across the drive and on the walk beside the main parking lot. It looked like a large, free-standing mailbox but instead of blue, it was painted white and had a sign on it, "Drop books here."

So, thank you, Clerky McBitchster, for those concise yet accurate directions to the drive-thru book drop. You made my day easier and your warmth will be passed on to the people I meet.

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